its a live

im reviving the blog...its been a lot of months. i thought about deleting the old blogs and starting fresh...but i didn't because...i always think its cool to read old stuff.

tonight i decided

I'm "reclaiming my temple"

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

not even kidding this is serious business!

ive been really messed up since being back from haiti---having anxiety---overwhelmed--depressed---on what i can do to "change the world"....
ive decided to turn these feelings in to a positive ACTION....

this is it!

i'm "changing the world" starting with myself....

Let Me Tell You

It's hard to know even where to begin when asked about Haiti.

Saying it was a good trip or an awesome trip doesn't sound right.

I have never seen or experienced what I saw while on this trip.
Television
Pictures
Stories

They cannot even begin to do justice to what poverty is…
At first I was confused.

At the orphanage the toddlers slept on a tile floor and were potty trained on a Rubbermaid tub…
The older children slept on thin bunk beds which looked like cubby holes with bugs all around…and bites on there legs to prove it.

Initially I was in shocked of these living conditions. I guess still stuck in my American perspective of living…

Then I realized….

This type of living though not the best was 100% better then where they were before the orphanage.


I've cried many tears since being back inside the boarders of the richest country in the world. I have everything I need with in an instant grab…shelter, food, comfort—you get the picture.


I would be ignorant if I don't remember what I saw. It's overwhelming to me that I can come home and the way of living in Haiti is a memory for me…and yet for the people of Haiti…that's life…an everyday reality…

in a country dominated by Voo-Doo----they continually live in fear of death and harm to not only themselves but their families.

They live in shanties smaller then my bedroom filled with 10 + people

They make less then a dollar a day.
And eat dirt biscuit.

They live in fear of their government who's way of "cleaning up the park" was lining up the street kids that hung out there at night and killing them.

They don't eat pork because the pigs eat the babies that are thrown in the river.

They say don't look down…because you never know what you will see under your feet

The smell of burning trash and exhaust was in my nose for weeks…and any similar smell reminds me of this.


I met a 10 month old baby whose father paid someone to get rid of her---named by the orphanage "Hope" and at the same time named Chris-stay-la---which means "Christ was here" by the Haitian people that found her---on a plastic bag in a junk yard laying in a weeks worth of her own waste. God has big plans for this little girl!


It's overwhelming to think --what I can do to bring hope to a country that seems to be lost in hopelessness? At first it's hard to see God there. But I know he was. I spent time with children---holding them and loving on them---let them take lots of pictures and smile…I helped hand out flip flops to a community of people who are longing to follow Christ---a rarity in Haiti. I participated in street evangelism. God did big things and open lots of doors while I was in Haiti and definitely put poverty into perspective for me.


The children from the orphanage sang songs like "blessed be your name", "holy holy holy", "what a mighty God we serve" they have there own evangelism team, and pray regularly---there IS God.

They praise God when they have nothing and I ignore God when i have everything...

I'm praying that God would continue to reveal to me what he wants me to do for these people. I asked him to break my heart for what breaks his…and that he did. I know he's not done using me in Haiti and I'm waiting to see what he continues to show me and how he will use me to share his love to these people…

I know God is holding a megaphone up to Haitian poverty.
I believe that these struggles will not be in vain and that there is hope!

It's easy to think that they are far away and this doesn't affect us---this isn't the case.

There's distance in the boarders—in the oceans—but we are all ONE.

"global isn't just a nice idea, global is reality" let us never forget that!

i'm back...sort of

hey friends im back...

haiti was.......


and thats all i got right now...im still processing what i've seen and experienced....

words can't do justice to what these people live....everyday....

i will write when i get back from camp

much love

24 Hours Later

I will be well on my way to Port au Prince, Haiti.

I'm so excited about this opportunity.

This week has been an crazy one filled with Highs and Lows.

I had a break down over a backpack on monday night. However i don't think it was the backpack that caused the break down it was just another thing i had to expense.

But God has continued to provided for this trip...there has been so many blessings and God just continues to remind me he is FANTASTIC and completely in control!


I have chosen to go because Christ has broken my heart over the thing that matter.

I am consumed by the desire to see that the lost are found.

Just knowing that you will be praying for me will give me peace as I go into unfamiliar places.

I am super Excited
I am wonderfully Loved
I am not Scared
I am completely Blessed
(Take My Life And Used It) I am Ready

this has nothing to do with Haiti

but a lot to do with life....

Life is many things. Lovely, beautiful, perfect, impossible, wonderful, sad, painful unbearable…and the list could go on…
...and to so many at this very moment---I hear your stories of the last 3-- the feeling of loss.

I could say a lot and at the same time say so little.
I'm sorry for this loss.
And what this child meant-- to everyone he meant SOMETHING to.
I've been there before...definately not in the same way but i have experienced loss....
the pain the tears and the heartache…
the feelings of will things ever be ok again.
I'm sorry your hearts hurt.

Times like these are a reminder that our lives, are not our own.
We should give them away---to God…
to others…
to people we know…
the strangers we pass…
because who knows what will happen in the next moment.


I believe that God's heart breaks for you pain

and his love for you is still and ALWAYS so BIG.

I believe you are right in your need to cry out-to ask why?

I also believe people need other people…we were never meant to go through life…the good and the bad…never meant to experience it alone.


We are all here for a reason…YOU are here for a reason.


((((let the memories of you dear-dear child— this son-----this friend-- remain in your heart—let it remind you—and if you need to---let it change your life))))

needles

i got 4 shots on wednesday for my trip....

crazy...

shots dont really bother me....

unless i see the needle go in.....

my arms are sore...

but i swallowed my milaria pill.

thats a blessing...i am NOT a good pill swallower at all...

13 days...

A Little Bit of Haiti Can Touch Your Heart

I find that God keeps showing me the negativity towards this trip are SMALL in comparison to the adventure I'm about to head on. I was checking out the For His Glory Adoption Outreach site (the place we will be working very closely with in Haiti) and i found this blog. This entry definately touched my heart!

"Last week Pierre, our Pastor/Manager fell and broke his ankle. The first reports we had were that he fell off the roof and broke his leg. We learned on Monday that he had broken his foot in three places. Pierre had surgery yesterday evening and has a cast up to his knee. He has been in a lot of pain as the first round of doctors tried to reset his ankle without any anesthesia. He is resting now and is much more comfortable.
Pierre had been helping the orphanage mechanic with guiding the water truck in when there was a commotion on the street outside the orphanage. It seems a woman with a small baby had asked a stranger to hold the baby while she went to the restroom. She disappeared and never returned. The woman that was left holding the baby said she had no way to care for the child and left her on a garbage ravine.
There were people on the street yelling for Pierre that he needed to come get the baby or she would not survive. Pierre was rushing while he was on the ladder and lost his footing and fell. Another staff person went and got the baby.
The baby is a little girl and appears to be about 4 months old. The first photos of her show how malnourished she is. She is skin and bone, with every rib from the front and back showing. Her eyes are vacant and she doesn’t cry. She has a face like a doll with eyes that appear as empty.
.......We have named the little baby girl, Hope. She is currently in the hospital awaiting a blood transfusion and is on oxygen. We don’t have a diagnosis, but know she is stabilizing.
When we were able to reach Haiti for the three minutes we were granted today to see how the baby was doing, we told the staff that in the US, we have named the baby Hope. There was a collective “ahhhh”, followed by a knowing, somber, “Ahh, that is a good name for her.”
Hope needs just that: a future and a hope. She needs prayer. She needs a fighting chance. We are trying to set up a fund for her to cover her medical costs while the orphanage awaits lab tests and a diagnosis. The birth father was found through the General Hospital records and it appears, at this time, that the mother has been reported as deceased.
Hope’s fighting chance is in Christ. The orphanage, should she survive the illness she is fighting, is a refuge for her where she will be loved, fed and given clean water that escapes so many of the people in Haiti."

sometimes my head gets confused

I'm going to Haiti this summer.
Tickets Bought---there's no turning back
I really believe that I'm suppose to go on this trip. It's changed 3 or 4 times and it finally fits a time frame i can go...
BARELY! :)
I'm sort of a control freak. I HAVE to know that things are going to work out the way they are suppose to.

I feel like this is Gods way of showing me to lean on him and trust him.
My flight gets back from Haiti at 8:30pm Friday June 20th and i leave from Edwardsville on a bus to go to Panama City Beach Florida for Big Stuf student camp at 6:00pm on Saturday June 21st (less then 24 hours)....
It doesn't really bother me...the time that is...until people start filling my head with doubt..."what if you dont get back on time...you'll be tired...you are crazy..."

It's just crazy that sometimes in one day I'm excited. and then discouraged...excited...and then discouraged...and then excited...(you get the picture).

maybe i am crazy.

I really feel like I am doing what I have been called to do....

please pray---
that the Negative Nancy's wont turn me into a Worrying Wanda

a bit of random for ya!

1.)i got my passport...
9 days after i applied for it.
pretty fantastic!!

2.)i'm getting excited!

3.)Project Restore just finished it's first big event to raise funds an awareness for clean water wells in africa there was over 180 walkers and we raised over $20,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW EXCITING! God is doing big things he never ever ceases to amaze me!!

4.) I'm collecting flip-flops. while in Haiti we will be a part of street outreach to some of the homeless children of Port au Prince Haiti. While your out buying summer shoes or have any lay around that you just havent worn let me know and i can get them from you! we need all sizes from kids to adults!!!!

so i did it

i applied for my pastport---6 to 8 weeks.

the lady said it shouldn't take that long.

i hope not

So this it

The Blog of ALL blogs. The beginning...

in the beginning................

kidding.


This is THE BLOG.

It is official. I have decided to got to Haiti this summer! Every since it has been made known Newsong Fellowship was planning a trip to Haiti I have been interested. Though timing never seemed right. First is was in April---and that was too soon. Then it was The week before Big Stuf Camp in Panama City and they were going to get back the same day We leave for camp-- that wont work. Then it was DURING Big Stuf Camp--obviously that won't work because I am already comitted to that and very stinkin excited about that too!! THEN it happened! It changed again. June 12th-20th. FINALLY! that's workable! or is it? I leave for panama city beach on the 21st. I wasn't really worried about rest as i was worried about this ---> The flight gets in at 8:30pm on the 20th and i have to be on bus with 120 people going to panama city beach at either 8am or noon on the 21st. So what if...fights get delayed...thats what worried me the most! But i really feel called to this trip. "if it's my time to shine then shine your light on me so everyone hurting can see that there is HOPE..."

So this is it. I'm trusting that God will take care of me--keep me safe and healthy---and arriving on time. Some might think I'm crazy. But when you feel called by THE CREATOR of the universe to do something...who am I to deny that.

So here i am...

4 days after i have officially decided that I am going to Haiti.

* Ticket has been booked (there's no turning back)
* Written a letter to send out to family and friends
* Filling for my passport this afternoon

If you have a chance please pray for...
1) My health--I'm really trying to better my self by exercising/eating right/etc.
2) Finances/Finacial Support
3) My 3 other "teammates" Catherine, Starr, & Tiffany
4) For Haiti